Sunday, 31 August 2008

The Mad Crapper

I was on the internet and I saw someone use the phrase “Gay shit” so the pepper mill started to grind and within seconds I was pissing myself thinking of a “Gay shit” no not a turd with glasses a lisp and buck teeth like Alan carr but what the definition of what a “Gay shit” would be?….I came to the conclusion it must be a shit that sort of comes out and wedges half way like a turtle head then goes back in then you have to push it out so in theory its sort of bumming you…sick I know but I m a sick bastard so blame my gene pool.
Anyways I thought why stop there as I have names for certain dumps I take…here they are maybe you can relate?

Its one of them shits you do that felt like nothing but when you look in the pan its some sort of tank type shit.
This one is a fucker and I hate them….its when you drop a bomb down the bowl and it hits the water like a bouncing bomb and splashes the bog water up on to your arse giving you a pikey arse washing and makes you feel a little violated…this is also known as a Loggers Leap in the surrey area.
This is a like Gary Glitter its some nasty shit that you know is wrong.
This one is when you shit pure brown water out your arse that looks like Newcastle brown ale and it fogs the bog water up like the fog on the Tyne.
This is one of them big craps that drops and floats around the pan like it rules the fukin waves, it refuses to fukin sink and disappear until you cover it in paper after flushin it twice before.
This is a bastard…its when you put down some paper in the bowl before you shit so you don’t get the Gypsy Bidet/Loggers Leap shit but instead when you flush the shitter and its blocks…so the fukin bog water goes up above the rim one wrong flush and ya bathroom floor is turdsville…what a fucker, especially if your at someone else’s house.
Straight shit that drops not much smell and when you wipe ya arse and there is no shit there…perfect shit.
This is when a bunch of little shits drop down the pan like a gang of wrongens only for them to get pissed on by the real one eyed willy.
This is a monster turd some stinking dirty raw shit that is a real mans man type gangster shit. A shit that everyman drops once in a while and it makes them laugh to them self at how hardcore it is.

Thanks to one of my bloggers on for pic of the turd with a flag in…told you on crap heap challenge it would make the blog…hahaha.
Anyway I m off to watch the two Ronnie’s now in a bit you nerks.

Jake One & Freeway & Brother Ali & Doom & A White Van

A white van pulled up alongside me in the traffic this morning and chucked me a new promo from beat churner Jake One's debut LP 'White Van Music' (out October 7th).

The first track features MF Doom (or at least we think its him, could be an imposter) and the second has Freeway and Brother Ali all over it. Early predictions indicate that the LP is gonna sell really well in Essex.

Jake One ft MF Doom - Trap Door

Jake One ft Freeway & Brother Ali - The Truth


New Guilty Simpson

Two new joints from my favourite MC of the moment. The first is a semi-german flex from Block Barley's forthcoming EP 'Michigan Nights', closely followed 'Ferocious' which is from DJ Design's new project 'Jet Lag'.

Block Barley ft. Guilty Simpson - Michigan Nights

Dj Design ft. Guilty Simpson - Ferocious

Saturday, 30 August 2008

Pat's Fun House #1

Top Ten Shit Reagay

Welcome to the first Pat's Fun House. Firstly, I wanna thank Pepa Seed for believin in a brother and giving me the opportunity and the platform to launch my monthly blog. The first is something close to the hearts of a lot of music fans, Shit Reagay.

Shit Reagay (or Shit Reggae as it is sometimes known) was born in the late 80s by a peach-coloured Punto driving nerk's old man in the inner city slums of Birmingham. It quickly spread around the country and overseas by way of it being inexplicably popular. Personnally, I can't stand the stuff, although once in a while i like to hear the tunes in exactly the same way i like wanking wearing stolen knickers like a frilly balaclava. Here's my countdown:

1. Shaggy "Oh Carolina"

I hate everthing about this track. From Shaggy's donald-duck-without-the-lisp style, to the shit snare-less beat, to the boring-ass slow motion video. 1993 was the year that Shit Reggae became pop. This song hit number 1 in March of the nine tres, and along with the likes of Snow, Ace of Base, Shabba Ranks, Inner Circle and Aswad Shit Reagay proudly took it's place astride the Top 40. Birmingham's BRMB and Heart FM radio stations championed this music for the rest of 90s, while the rest of the world ignored. Props.

2. UB40 "Falling In Love With You"

3. Aswad "Don't Turn Around"

4. Inner Circle "Sweat"

5. Shabba Ranks "Mr Loverman"

6. Red Dragon "Compliments On Your Kiss"

7. UB40 feat Pato Banton "Baby Come Back"

8. Ace Of Base "All That She Wants"

9. Bittie McClean "When It's Raining"

10. Snow "Informer"

Non-shit mentions: these acts did everything humanly possible to make these songs shit, but unfortunately their efforts back fired and they ended up producing some of the finest music ever.

Ini Kamoze "Here Come The Hotstepper"

Chaka Demus & Pliers "Tease Me"

Aswad "Shine"

Nuvva New Neon Premo

I was just gettin ready to post up a little premo blast and this comes along...

Big Shug ft. Singapore Kane & Termanology - My Boston (Prod. by DJ Premier)

Preems been nonchalantly slippin bangers out from under the carpet the last coupla months and I even got pointed in the direction of two tracks from 'back then' that I knew nothin about so watch out for the Preem blast comin soon.


As you know I have started a compost heap…its fucking ugly and stinks a bit like my uncle but I still love it. It got me thinking we should have a crap heap challenge, this don’t mean send me pictures of turds with flags stuck in them…though that would get on the blog as its funny as fuck. So send me any pics of Crap heaps it doesn’t have to be pretty mine looks like the bastard child of John merrick and stinks like cabbage and cheesy dogshit packed in a wheat crunchies bag…Nice. I m looking for grown man type heaps..if you wanna put ya mug in the shot too by all means do it…its all for the environment and the title of Crap heap challenge champion 2008…what a claim to fame. Here is a picture of mine…to give you an example it aint gotta be pro with the fence panels and shit just gotta be proper.

Anyway I m off now to shout abuse at the kunts on Steve wilkos show and watch sky plus’d episodes of from Gs to Gentlemen in a bit you nerks.

The Mad Rapper - Appreciate The Hate: The Mad Rapper Chronicles Vol. 1 Mixtape

An MC just like me, just dont give a fuck and neva scared to run his mouth...

Cant wait for this shit, here's the tracklist...

01. Statik Who? (Intro)
02. Where Are All The Mad Rappers At? (Interlude)
03. Carried Away
04. Eye For An Eye (Feat. D-Dot)
05. Gun Shots (Feat. E.Ness & Aasim)
06. And Them Some… (Feat. Cory Gunz)
07. Blogs (Interlude)
08. Incredible
09. They Comin’ (Feat. Wais P the Pimp)
10. Disco Freestyle (Feat. D-Dot)
11. Give it to ‘Em (Feat. D-Dot)
12. Gangsta Music (Lose It) (Feat. Ceion)
13. Brooklyn Lets Go! (Feat. Red Cafe, Maino, Wais P the Pimp, Papoose & Joell Ortiz)
14. Get Off Me (Feat. Ceion)
15. Statik Selektah (Interlude)
16. Baby
17. Magic
18. I’m From Brooklyn (Feat. D-Dot)
19. Breather (Feat. D-Dot)
20. The Corner (Crazy Cat Remix) (Feat. Wais P the Pimp & DV Alias Khryst)
21. A Rap Story
22. Live From The BBQ (Feat. D-Dot, Diddy, The Notorious B.I.G., E.Ness, Black Rob & Aasim)
23. What You Gonna Do? (Feat. The Notorious B.I.G. & 50 Cent)
24. Bongo Break (Feat. Busta Rhymes)
25. Stir Crazy (Feat. Eminem)
26. The Ghetto (Feat. Carl Thomas & Raekwon)
27. How To Rob (Feat. 50 Cent)
28. Statik Selektah (Outro)

Nore's On the Run Ejaculating

N.O.R.E. drops in on the Bang Bros crew... NSFW!

Send the mrs down the shop, then click HERE

Babu feat. M.O.P. - Dearly Departed


Brand new track from the third installment of Babu’s
Duck Season series, out October 3rd.

Check it out HERE and DJ's get your Serato on HERE

Friday, 29 August 2008

Fag Enablers, E Warriors, Feeling Catchers and Internet Trolls

Feelings Catchers, Fag Enablers, E Warriors and Internet Trolls beware this ain’t the blog for you so blog on. If you don’t know what a Feelings Catcher is, here is a brief description of all the above:

Feelings Catcher..this is the sort of person that reads a comment on his or her myspace, facebook or a forum that gets them so angry they sit there banging their keyboard harder than glitter bangs underage kids. They take throw away comments to heart so much so that they cant sleep and you can see the anger in their writing…someone forgot to tell them this is the internet and life ain’t that serious you fukin bungle.

Fag Enablers are on some gay shit…so gay that they do a 360 and become straight making them uber gay…more gay than Gok Won at mardi gras wearing a pair of Pat Butchers reject earrings singing Gloria Gaynor I will survive while skipping in some velvet man batty riders…yes that gay.

E Warriors are like the T J Hookers of the net without the coolness of Shatner..they take it on them selves to be the caped crusader of the net…without the comedy valour
of Adam West….go back to Gotham e boy.

Internet Trolls in short are KUNTS…yes Kunts with a K not with a c, why a K? Well sit back bucko and I will school you. The K because it is more aggressive and stands out more than with a C..and no it aint some sort of subliminal ku klux shit because it has a K…its purely because it looks hard and that’s how I gets down like Tim Dog said “you cant fuck around”.

So if you are still with me that’s cool as it means you are like me and are none of the above…don’t get it twiss this ain’t no Sex And The City shit for men and geeks this is some R A F shit homeboy and homegirls. This is Grown man shit like compost heaps and MOP…so if you are any of the above I will piss you off quicker than a paper condom you nerk.

Anyways I m out for now next time I may tell you about the time as a kid I thought my penis was being moved by a ghost but it turned out to be an erection or the time I stopped banging a chick because her flange smelt like hot dog warta…

I m out for now in a bit you Nerks.

RARE Marko Magic footage...

This guy is like the Lord Lucan of British Hip Hop...

If anyone knows the where abouts of Marko or can give us any leads in our quest to 'Bring back the Magic' please, get in touch...

Saigon ft. Baby Cham - Chilly Boom

I've been tellin' my 'so called' friends about this tunes for a while... It's all about ticklin' tha gyal dem boom boom... Enjoy.

Oh, and Saigon knows how to sit on a motorbike too, skillzzzzz!

Saigon ft. Baby Cham - Chilly Boom

Ghost Rider

This guy is one of my personal heroes, fuckin nutcase. You might wanna turn down your speakers unless you're into death metal ballads.

Madlib ft. MED and Poke - The Ox (805)

Latest offering from the guy that smokes way too much, from his forthcoming project, WLIB AM: King Of The Wigflip, out in October.

Madlib ft. Med & Poke - The Ox (805)

Thursday, 28 August 2008

WelCome To Narnia...The PePaMill on da Grind

Right so i m junior pepa seed...some of you may know me some of you wont, so if you know me you know i dont fuck about shiiiit and dont beat about the bush. If you are weak hearted or over sensative you will catch feelings....your a fag enabler.
This is just an intro the sort of things i talk about are...ways i got pussy, best pigs, compost heaps, best preemo tracks ever, why we should go nonce hunting, hot dog warta and other shit you need in your life.
I will have some Guests at some point and loads of neon shit like exclusives mixs, videos and my mate Pats fun house.
This is just the start so be down straight away and dont be a dick swinging bandwaggon jumper later a bit

in the words of MOP.....Hiiiiiinnnnnnggggggggggg

Straight up ya Gary Glitter

wanna be in my Gang?
coming soon...