Anyone else get sick of doing some Kanye west tippy toe on water shit? Jesus sometimes I can see why some blokes are gay, my missus always manages to make some straight forward simple shit turn into some fucking krypton factor puzzle making it more complicated than it has to be.
I m laid back and go with the flow as are most fellas I know but the females I know seem set on having a good salmon game, making it their mission to go against the flow even if it makes no sense.
If you do bump heads with your other half they seem to think that you have to breakdown the explanation of why it has pissed you off that they made going to Tescos for some muffins a job on the same par as doing a UN food drop, with shit like.. Shall I make a list?, Do I need a coat? , Are we gonna be long?
Can we stop at M & S? or Can we stop ay my mums?...answer in head no motherfucker I just want some fucking muffins get in the car drive to Tesco get the muffins buy some other shit I don’t really need then pay get in car and home job done. The answer that comes out unless you’re a bastard like me should be…I don’t know honey we can do whatever you thinks best….yeah right.
I m sure I cant be the only person that experiences this woman krypton fuctwhore shit for example if my mate asked me to drop him and his family at the Station in his car as it was bigger than mine and they was also to ask a female friend the same thing this is how it would go down….
Junior drop
Phone rings answers…
Jps answers “easy wsup”
Dude “easy homeboy, can you do me a favour”
Jps “yeah what as long as it aint some fag enabler shit or ringing up Westwood again on some prank shit?”
Dude “hahah Nah no homo …can you drop me, the missus and the sperms at the station?”
Jps “yeah sure bro when?”
Dude “Friday at 430……you can take my car as its easier to get our shit in…that cool?”
Jps “ yeah no worries g…see you then”
Dude ”Shafe homeboy l8rs”
Jps “jacket potatazz”
End of….no complications all sorted in a 45 sec conversation, heres how the same task went for a female to female.
Salmon drop
After a ten minute phone conversation…
Salmon 1 “so we went to Tesco and then I got him to take me to my mums on way back then we stopped at M & S….hahah we only went out for muffins…hahah anyway reason I rang was we are going away on Friday and we need to get to the station to get a train to get the eurostar to go to Paris with all our stuff, would you be able to drop us?
Salmon 2 “yeah oh wait a minute I don’t think you would all get in my car? “
Salmon 1 “No what I ment to say love was you can take our car and drop us in that as its bigger than yours”
Salmon 2 “oh okay..i may have to pop round and drive your car to get used to it as its bigger than mine”
Salmon 1 “yeah no worries when”
Salmon 2 “ I am not sure probably Wednesday and Thursday, when you going?”
Salmon 1 “We go Friday…yeah that’s okay come round when ever”
Blah Blah Blah….goes on another ten minutes and gets more complicated and the above information is discussed again.
Right the above was just the start of the complications because when Wednesday rolls around and Salmon 1s partner goes to take the car out to see a mate…he cant as they are housebound due to the fact they are waiting for Salmon 2 to come round to test drive a car she is gonna drive for a total of 30 minutes…oh it don’t stop there.
Okay so he thinks cool I just go Thursday..oh no bucko you cant as you are housebound again as part two of driving miss daisy is going down…..COMPLICATED TO A POINT IT DOESN’T NEED TO GET TO.
Just get in the car and fuckin drive it….it is not a F15 fighter jet, its not a Tank, its not an Apache Gunship….ITS A FUCKIN RENAULT ESPACE!! This is the sort of shit my missus and her mates fuckin nitpick and go over every detail till it outgrows the task its self….Its got 4 wheels, three pedals and a steering wheel…just like the car you drive everyday, no need for the stars in your eyes stepping through the smoke shit to take part in the crystal drive to the station maze krypton fuctwhore complication challenge (love my missus really must be noted..Mrs seed).
Do you see what I am getting at? You must have experienced the same shit homeboys? And homegirls you must see what I am getting at?...Probably not as I have not done a Kanye west tippy toe act and broke it down enough.
Anyway I m off to bump MOP and lob some banana skins on the compost….
I m out for now in a bit you nerks
I m laid back and go with the flow as are most fellas I know but the females I know seem set on having a good salmon game, making it their mission to go against the flow even if it makes no sense.
If you do bump heads with your other half they seem to think that you have to breakdown the explanation of why it has pissed you off that they made going to Tescos for some muffins a job on the same par as doing a UN food drop, with shit like.. Shall I make a list?, Do I need a coat? , Are we gonna be long?
Can we stop at M & S? or Can we stop ay my mums?...answer in head no motherfucker I just want some fucking muffins get in the car drive to Tesco get the muffins buy some other shit I don’t really need then pay get in car and home job done. The answer that comes out unless you’re a bastard like me should be…I don’t know honey we can do whatever you thinks best….yeah right.
I m sure I cant be the only person that experiences this woman krypton fuctwhore shit for example if my mate asked me to drop him and his family at the Station in his car as it was bigger than mine and they was also to ask a female friend the same thing this is how it would go down….
Junior drop
Phone rings answers…
Jps answers “easy wsup”
Dude “easy homeboy, can you do me a favour”
Jps “yeah what as long as it aint some fag enabler shit or ringing up Westwood again on some prank shit?”
Dude “hahah Nah no homo …can you drop me, the missus and the sperms at the station?”
Jps “yeah sure bro when?”
Dude “Friday at 430……you can take my car as its easier to get our shit in…that cool?”
Jps “ yeah no worries g…see you then”
Dude ”Shafe homeboy l8rs”
Jps “jacket potatazz”
End of….no complications all sorted in a 45 sec conversation, heres how the same task went for a female to female.
Salmon drop
After a ten minute phone conversation…
Salmon 1 “so we went to Tesco and then I got him to take me to my mums on way back then we stopped at M & S….hahah we only went out for muffins…hahah anyway reason I rang was we are going away on Friday and we need to get to the station to get a train to get the eurostar to go to Paris with all our stuff, would you be able to drop us?
Salmon 2 “yeah oh wait a minute I don’t think you would all get in my car? “
Salmon 1 “No what I ment to say love was you can take our car and drop us in that as its bigger than yours”
Salmon 2 “oh okay..i may have to pop round and drive your car to get used to it as its bigger than mine”
Salmon 1 “yeah no worries when”
Salmon 2 “ I am not sure probably Wednesday and Thursday, when you going?”
Salmon 1 “We go Friday…yeah that’s okay come round when ever”
Blah Blah Blah….goes on another ten minutes and gets more complicated and the above information is discussed again.
Right the above was just the start of the complications because when Wednesday rolls around and Salmon 1s partner goes to take the car out to see a mate…he cant as they are housebound due to the fact they are waiting for Salmon 2 to come round to test drive a car she is gonna drive for a total of 30 minutes…oh it don’t stop there.
Okay so he thinks cool I just go Thursday..oh no bucko you cant as you are housebound again as part two of driving miss daisy is going down…..COMPLICATED TO A POINT IT DOESN’T NEED TO GET TO.
Just get in the car and fuckin drive it….it is not a F15 fighter jet, its not a Tank, its not an Apache Gunship….ITS A FUCKIN RENAULT ESPACE!! This is the sort of shit my missus and her mates fuckin nitpick and go over every detail till it outgrows the task its self….Its got 4 wheels, three pedals and a steering wheel…just like the car you drive everyday, no need for the stars in your eyes stepping through the smoke shit to take part in the crystal drive to the station maze krypton fuctwhore complication challenge (love my missus really must be noted..Mrs seed).
Do you see what I am getting at? You must have experienced the same shit homeboys? And homegirls you must see what I am getting at?...Probably not as I have not done a Kanye west tippy toe act and broke it down enough.
Anyway I m off to bump MOP and lob some banana skins on the compost….
I m out for now in a bit you nerks
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